Monday, December 22, 2008

Operation Grocery

Camo'd up and planned a sortie to the grocery store this afternoon.

After insertion an extremely large number of hostile unfriendlies were encountered and multiple evasive maneuvers were required. Particularly difficult to negotiate were the hardened targets in the produce department patrolled by aimless wandering shoppers muttering angrily under their breath. Also, motionless senior citizen shopping cart blockades were encountered at nearly every aisle. After all targets on the list were neutralized, the team proceeded to Checkout Alpha. Unfortunately timely mission completion was heavily delayed by excessive hostile traffic at Checkout Alpha. Ultimately, however, the mission was a success as the team returned to home base with all mission critical supplies.

Casualty Report: No fatalities, although several minor injuries were sustained due to hostile incursions with enemy shopping carts, and shrapnel from one ripe diaper. Recommend monitoring team for signs of severe mental distress due to the traumatic nature of grocery shopping near a major holiday.

In other news, baby Drofen was due for his second newborn screen/PKU so we got out in the 20* weather this morning. Why 5 blobs of blood on a test card needed to be done at the hospital outpatient lab is beyond me, but our pediatrician doesn't handle them in-office. The other thing I found kind of silly is that the lab told us the results would be back in 6 weeks. 6 weeks?!? If memory serves, PKU is a pretty serious disease that can damage the brain in DAYS if the phenylalanine levels are allowed to rise unchecked. What the hell good is a 6 week result? I also wish that they had a separate waiting area for newborn screens rather than lumping us in with every Tom, sick, and scary general population patient waiting in registration. Not to mention the lab was no less than 5 hallways and 6 turns away from the waiting area, all in all about a 5 minute walk. I got turned around, and I normally have a pretty good sense of direction. I know it seems like I complain a lot, but yeesh, some of this stuff just seems to be common sense to me?

On a final note, my wife wanted me to brag that baby Drofen was back to his birth weight at only 9 days old. Go boobie juice! :)


  1. Love the military schpeak!!! Glad to see you got out alive! I so dread stores at this time of year. Take pictures of the little guy! Good job to mom and the "boobie juice"!

  2. Love your grocery store outing. Seems hostile out there doesn't it?

    Love your Tom, Sick and Scary reference too! Funny stuff. I thought that you were describing the waiting room at the ED not at the outpatient lab. Yikes!

  3. I absolutely LOVE your grocery terminology! I always call it going around the people mogels, or shopping slolum. (not so sure about my spelling...afterall my blog is only at Jr. Hi level!) Love your sense of humor! Glad everyone got home without any shrapnel from other carts.

  4. Ahhhhh. Good boobie juice. High five.