Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Worst Gift....EVER.

So Mom In Scrubs has posted her Top 3 Worst Gifts of All Time which are pretty funny. So I thought about it and couldn't really come up with a really terrible gift I've received, although I'm sure I've gotten a few doozys.

However, what is acutely crystal clear in my mind is the worst gift that I've ever given. I can remember every lurid detail in frightening clarity to this very day.

Back when I was pursuing my first degree, (pre-med actually) I was working in the IV room of a children's hospital pharmacy. I was one of only a few boy pharm techs, and definitely the only one without severe social handicaps. The group of women that I worked with were--how can I put this diplomatically?--well, women. There was a distinct pecking order and everyone's business was well, everyone's business indeed. All community happenings were closely observed and cataloged for later discussion of gossip-worthiness and social merit.

For example, when one of them became pregnant with no husband in her repertoire, it was a red banner gossip treasure trove. Yet, lest you think these women unfriendly or uncaring, everyone brought in gifts for the pending baby. Except for me. A fact that was pointedly pointed out to me in a casual if not indelicate manner.

Now realize this was back when I was not the quintessential smooth gentleman I am today, so I left the present selection to my wife. (My FIRST wife--important distinction there.) And she did produce a gift for me to take in to work--in an appropriately cute gift bag to boot.

At my next shift when I set the gift bag on the counter, whispers spread like wildfire.

"A gift, a gift, he brought a gift."

And every female in the department was quickly assembled to play 'rate the gift'. With an awkward swallow and sweaty palms I handed the gift bag over as the expectant mutterings increased to a dull roar.

My coworker pulled out:

Item #1... A onesie...an obviously well worn and not so well laundered onesie in that famous shade of dingy used-to-be white.

Item #2... A bib...with an obvious stain down the front.


Item #3... A book...with a lovely inscription to my daughter in the front cover, "With Love, Aunt Paige."

Mortified doesn't even begin to express.


  1. Wooooooowwwwww.....

    What fodder for gossip you must have produced!! Did you blame your ex-wife? How the heck did you ever live that down?

    It could only have been worse with a used pacifier. Or a used diaper.


    Thanks for the giggle!!

  2. Well, I know I turned about 15 shades of red. (it still makes my face burn thinking about it.) I apologized profusely and I spluttered something about not knowing what was in the bag, and my ex-wife being responsible.

    The very next shift you can bet I was back with gift in hand--a very expensive book, and a complete outfit--with tags still in place.

    Everyone was friendly enough after it all happened, and didn't really bring it up in front of me. But I got a lot of knowing looks along the way...


  3. Yikes! That'll teach you to do your own shopping.

  4. No wonder she's you EX-wife! LOL
    Aloha and warm new years wishes.
    Nurses RULE!!

  5. OH NO!!!! Too funny--so sorry for your humiliation but what a great story! ;)